Frozen Moments Lost In Time.

Chef Killardee

Chef Killardee was a real chef zombified by the mindless consumerism that taught people to purchase tinned pasta products at exhorbitant markups instead of making them at home. The costume started with a made-to-order chef jacket in cotton twill, accompanied by a genuine 150-fold toque and a two-pocket waist apron. (Blood won\'t stick to a stain-resistant fabric made from 65% polyester and 35% cotton.) Not made to my measurements, though, so I had to have the jacket, and apron, tailored. And the apron almost didn\'t make it because the firm sent the wrong one initially and had to rush the replacement. It pained me to destroy the jacket—see the before picture in the photo series—but it had to be done if Chef Killardee was to be successful.
The pants are DKNY white jeans, suitably distressed and destroyed. I found them at Macy\'s when I realized I should have some white pants, even though chef\'s usually wear stain-resistant checks. These were the <i>only</i> pair in white on the closeout rack and they were my size (!) so I, naturally, had to buy them. (It was a sign from Baron Samedi, the patron saint of zombies.) One just can\'t go wrong for $12 after applying a 15%-off coupon. <br>
Everyone who saw the cleaver thought it was real and reacted accordingly. Except it wasn\'t just any cleaver. I <i>made</i> the cleaver <i>from scratch</i> using a sheet of 26 gauge sheet steel I cut and filed to shape, unfinished beech wood, and recessed brass flathead screws instead of rivets. It is a full tang blade, with an antiqued handle worn down to the shape of my hand by years of &quot;use.&quot; Despite the appearance of a razor-sharp edge, the cleaver is actually perfectly smooth and, thus, technically not a weapon in the eyes of NYPD. (Although they did give me the eye all night.)

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